I used to be a girl who could not wait for Friday to get here. It was the best feeling when I slammed my laptop shut & it was the finally the weekend. Now, I’m just filled with dread. Anyone who has a full time job & has kids will know that for the most part the only time you really get quality time with your husband is likely the weekends. Even if that quality time consists of running errands together you put off. Hanging out with the baby on slow afternoon. Heading to get bagels and coffee after Church. More often than not, Tyler would be prepping to grill something on Saturday so we had a really great meal and could enjoy just catching up together.
But now…
There’s a lot of time for me to fill. A lot of quiet. I feel the most panicked and anxious if I let myself sit for too long doing nothing. That’s kind of what weekends were meant for. To slow down. I don’t want to slow down or all the sadness just crashes on top of me. So, yeah, weekends are kind of the worst right now. I know I won’t always feel this way. I know that a new routine is on the horizon. I know that I will be able to miss Tyler and not spiral from the deafening silence. One day I’ll be able to enjoy a little slow Saturday in the peace and quiet.
So do me favor, reader. Enjoy your slow weekend with your precious family. Soak in the silence. Treasure the time you get to ask your family how they are & savor the meals you get together.
And as always. Thank you for being here.
B.
When my brother died (on a Saturday) I dreaded every Saturday for months. Just as I dreaded weekends after my father died. We would regularly catch up on Sundays. I had to create new routines. Something to look forward to on the weekends to distract a bit from the pain. That said you do need to grieve so give yourself lots of grace and keep friends and family close. Love you