I'm a 36 Year Old Widow & Single Mom

What a weird and lonely place to be.

I read the title of this piece a few times, and I’ll be honest, it still really doesn’t feel real that that’s what I am now. I am 36. I am a widow. I am a single mom. I remember getting in the elevator of the hospital the day my husband passed thinking I walked into this place married to the love of my life and father of my child, and I’m leaving without both. There are so many times a day (times 10 on a bad day) where my brain really can’t compute that this is real life. That I’m not just sitting inside of a really bad dream. It’s not though. It’s reality.

I am a 36 year old widow & a single mom .

I’ve recently started to think about how my age group of widowhood is really a lonely and weird place to be. In the last 5 months, when I’ve randomly tried to find other people to relate to I had a really tough time. There are the widows who lost their husbands in their early 20’s/30’s, most before they had kids or young enough to have the time to consider more children in the future. There are widows who lost their husband of 20 plus years who have grown children and even grandkids. This mid 30’s widowhood is tough place to be, and a really hard place to find others to relate to. I was 34 when I married Tyler, 35 when we had our baby boy, and I just recently turned 36. My pregnancy was rough from the beginning. My birth story is a bit traumatic. The idea of a second child wasn’t completely OFF the table, but I thought I had some time to think about it. Then January 10th, 2025 happened. And a lot of decisions, for the most part, were made for me.

Sure, maybe one day I start to date again (those few words make me shudder to even think about right now). Maybe I fall in love. Maybe I get married again. Maybe. Maybe. Lots of maybes. The reality is though, I’ve never wanted to be 40 and pregnant. And even on that timeline, all of the things I’ve said above would need to happen pretty… quick? So, here’s my reality, if I were to ever meet someone more likely than not that person would likely have to be ok with not having children of their own AND raising another man’s baby. Like I said, a weird and lonely place to be.

There are so many more aspects that make this age of widowhood hard. I just recently started my own company and started to find my footing. Now, the stress of making sure I can take care of me and my child on my salary alone is… quite high. I’m a first time mom, and without my husband, every single day is exhausting. Most days I find myself really sad that I have to hurry through the joy of watching and savoring my little boy grow up because so much has to be done to make sure the household just functions at a basic level.

When I left the hospital that day, I left half of a whole. My child has one parent. We operate on one income. And a whole new future is ahead ahead of me where choices have been pretty much made for me.

That’s my reality… for now.

I’m a 36 year old widow & single mom.

What a weird and lonely place to be.

But… thanks for being here.

B.